I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). If there are any concerns about content we have published, please reach out to us at It would be nice if the above outcomes were universal—but they aren’t (of course). Making amends won’t necessarily play out like the ending of a Hallmark movie. Sometimes, the outcome can be uglier and downright disappointing. They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say.

Or, they may gain greater insights about addiction and commit to being a more supportive person in your recovery. Say, for example, you’re preparing to make amends to a former coworker, whom you once stole from to pay for drugs. In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole.

Unlock your path toward recovery

If possible, schedule a time to speak with them in advance to prepare for the conversation.

But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. Lastly, AA Step 12 reminds you that this process is truly a lifelong endeavor. The principles you’ve learned and practiced throughout the 12 Steps of AA—acceptance, honesty, humility, and self-awareness, among others—are now part of a long-term sober lifestyle. Another example would be of a person who’s been a taker all their lives suddenly decides they no longer want to be self-centered and selfish.

What Are the 12 Principles of AA?

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. By Buddy T

Buddy T is a writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience what is a living amends writing about alcoholism. Because he is a member of a support group that stresses the importance of anonymity at the public level, he does not use his photograph or his real name on this website.

My living amends is being the son she deserves–someone who will do for her as she has always done for me. After years of being bossy and overbearing, my basic apologies meant little. They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair.

The List Of Wrongs

Some of your past will be painful, and you’ll likely have to face some of your biggest regrets. In Steps 1 and 2, AA instructs members to strip themselves bare of ego and power. Step 3 involves putting yourself at the mercy of this higher power and moving forward for “Him” — or whatever your higher power may be — over the selfishness of addiction. This virtue is easy to understand when it comes to practicing it on a daily basis. In recovery, not every moment will be positive, but if you keep that hope and faith alive, you’ll come back out on the other side. The main text of Alcoholics Anonymous, or “The Big Book” as AA members call it, goes step by step through 12 distinct phases, each crucial in achieving sustainable recovery from addiction.